‘Zombie Spring Breakers’ review: The worst spring break hangover to be had

By Dakota Cantwell

Building on the recent trend of indie horror films building worlds that are seemingly okay with the zombie apocalypse, “Zombie Spring Breakers” does little to rise above the onslaught of poorly done zombie films, leaving those who watch it with a headache and no good reason why.

“Zombie Spring Breakers” is a film about a group of sexed up spring breakers who are looking for booze, drugs and sex and instead find an outbreak of zombies on the island of Ibiza that was supposed to free of the infection. While some films can thrive on a simple plot by relying on the acting and effects of the film, “Zombie Spring Breakers” has nothing to fall back upon.

Staring Jordan Coulson (“Meet the Adebanjos”) as Alex who escapes to Ibiza after his breakup, finds himself still pining for his ex girlfriend Ellie, played by Cara Theobold (“Crazyhead”, “Ready Player One”), once again reviving the Ross and Rachel debate of what it actually means to be on a break. Joining in the cast are also Marcia Do Vales, Matt King and Alex Felton. The last of who plays an American who’s accent only involves intermittently us the F-word and literally nothing else.

The culmination of the poor cast and the laughably written script results in a set of characters that aren’t cared about saying whatever line put in front of them with the same amount of gusto as Chris J. Nairn did when deciding which dubstep song to jam into a scene.

The sound of this film is a bit like watching a football game on the local channels where the volume is going to be too quiet to pay attention to for one commercial and too loud to understand in the next. The film bounces back and forth between scenes where the dialogue is too quiet to understand and ones with dubstep that’s so loud it hurt.

The volume of the films isn’t the only part of the cocktail that adds to the headache that comes from watching “Zombie Spring Breakers.” The film also involved a lot of scenes so chaotically shot that the outcome of them isn’t clear until another scene starts and you can count the characters still around. One of them, involving and nightclub, gives a light show so random and blinding that those with epilepsy should be thoroughly warned before watching the film.

Not poorly shot and hard to make sense of, but the color palet attached with them flips back and forth between some sort of normal and what can only be described as the feeling of tripping on the copious amount of drugs in this film.

The only passable thing about this film is the practical effects for the zombies. Beginning early on in the film, its becomes obvious where most of the $1 million budget was spent. Still, despite some of the really good, grotesque looking zombies, the film backs them up with special effects that are similar to season one of “Smallville”.

Ultimately, this film is an hour and a half headache that leaves the few viewers that managed to make it to the end with the worst hangover from a spring break they wish they’d never been a part of.

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